After the Loss…a Brief Update

Okay, so it’s not just me, right?  I’m just gonna put it out there.  It’s not meant to be a vent, but more of an observation – so please read it through that “lens” if you will.

Sometimes it can be either a blessing or a pain to try and give a true answer to the standard American greeting, “How are you doing?” Especially when it has just been “one of those days”, and the inquiry is paired with a concerned scrunch of the brow, a shoulder rub, and a knowledge that your Mother recently passed away and you’re trying to plan a wedding about 3-months-and-8-hours-south-of-my-current-locale away.  But then if people don’t acknowledge it, it feels like, “Why aren’t they saying anything about that smelly, fat elephant in the room?”  Ugh, let’s simplify it, let me share with you here the latest and not so greatest, but real deal answer.

Honestly, friends, it can be a moment-by-moment or day-by-day fluctuating thing. Mom went back home to Jesus only 7 short weeks ago.  Mike and I left my grieving Father and came back to Dallas about 3 1/2 weeks ago.  It’s obviously still very fresh, mainly uncharted territory, stumbling along on the vast tundra of grieving.  Even though I don’t see the end in sight, and I don’t know when the ache will lessen, I know that she is eternally happy and where she is supposed to be.  That knowledge doesn’t dull the heartbreak, it just puts it into an eternal perspective that can bring peace.

My Mom was a fantastic Mother, and it’s still hard to be at peace with the fact that she won’t physically be present at our wedding…holding the children we hope to have…helping me pick out color schemes for our future home…etc.  Of course I know that she is with me and no longer bound by space and time, among the Saints specially interceding for me and all of our needs.  Some days that is a comfort, and some days it still makes me weep, to be completely honest for those who have been wondering how I’m doing.

The more I travel along this part of my journey, the more that I discover what a tricky thing grieving is.  I can talk and laugh about a memory of Mom one night, and the next morning I can bust into tears at the thought of shopping for Bridesmaids dresses without her.  But I love a conversation that I was blessed by this week, with a Nun that I have never met up in New York.

I had that blessed conversation via phone with this Religious Sister about work-related things; and before I knew it, we began sharing from our hearts.  I confessed that my Mother had recently passed  away, and she began to comfort me by just being herself.  She had such a beautiful spirit…I could even tell that through the phone.  Her words of compassion, based on experience from losing her Mom, and filled with wisdom, brought such love to my little wounded heart.  God continues to show me that even though I can’t imagine where He will send blessings to me from, He still does.  It can be a total “stranger” or a trusted friend, and anyone in between.

I am still navigating through this, but learning how to better utilize the tools I’ve been given, and to lean into an incredible support system all around me.  By God’s grace, we will continue to move forward.  It has been a long and hard week for me, I won’t say that it wasn’t.  The wedding planning is still slow and ardous right now, wrestling with vendors and what not to get some of the major decisions nailed down.  There is tons of new ground work being laid in every single area of my life, all at once.  Yes, I get overwhelmed at times.  All I know is that I am in good hands.  That much I know.  Oh, and I also know that God will not lead me into something that will be detrimental to me – He wants good things for me, as His child.

Thank you again for asking how I am, whether it be via email, Facebook, text, a card, or through your prayers – please don’t stop.  Just realize that one day I might smile and say, “good”, while the next I may give a little more melancholic expression with a, “hanging in there.”  I truly am a mix of both my parents, with the smiling-optimistic Mom part of me, and the more passionate-melancholic side from my Dad.  Thank you, God, for finally sending me a man who can truly handle both my ying and my yang, and still loves me because of them, not despite them.

The real key to all of this is said so perfectly in this Matt Maher song.  I found this video on YouTube – the editing may appear a little rough in some spots, and the song, “Letting Go”, is longer and even more meaningful; but the horses have a lot of significance for me and it’s a beautiful short.

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6 thoughts on “After the Loss…a Brief Update

  1. Grief is a process, and like all processes it is a messy, organic thing. The pain of losing your mother will not ever go away, you will just learn to live with it as you learn to live with the loss of a limb. You can find a peace about her loss, as you can be at peace about the loss of the limb, but you will never “get over it” in that you will never stop being reminded of it in ways both small and large. I think this is part of God’s plan, that we feel deeply and truly the injustice of death because death wasn’t supposed to be. It was something that was created by the fall, and we’re not supposed to be content with it. It’s God’s way of ensuring that we have a continual longing for eternal life.

    I think it’s perfectly normal to find that your feelings aren’t static, it would kind of be strange if you could answer that question the same way every time you were asked. Your life is fluid and ever-changing, so will your answers be. I’m sorry I haven’t done more to reach out to you, to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you and to let you know that I am here for you if you need me. Thank you for sharing, Lisa, and for being who you are. Thank you for being an honest witness so that others might find the courage to be honest as well.

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  2. Jessica Sheguit says:

    I love you, Lisa! You are in my prayers still..

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  3. Norma says:

    Dear sister, I continue to keep you, your dad, and your entire family in my prayers as you continue your journey of grieving. I can not tell you that i know what you are going through, but i can tell you that you always touch my heart. Your strenght and your undying faith, i so admire. May Our Lord continue to bless you with all the Graces you will need to help you as you continue this journey of suffering. You continue to touch the hearts of so many and i am so blessed to call you friend. Please know that you are in my prayers. Love you! Norma
    (The sisters are all here to help you with your wedding.)

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    • Lisa says:

      You are so kind and compassionate, dear Norma. Thank you again, and I will wrap your prayers around me like a blanket. Prayers back to you and Elmer. Love you!

      Like

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