At some point in our journey, we each question to some extent our purpose. “What am I supposed to do with my life? Why am I here?” This search for meaning is ageless, from the Ark-building days of Noah to the post Concentration Camp writings of Viktor Frankl. The quest will continue to span as far as we semi-intelligent life forms populate this planet. Some people’s search for purpose is simpler, as they are drawn to something from their youth which very naturally rolls into that which they pursue throughout their life. For example, my Music Leader and friend, Curtis, who played piano since he was about five-years-old and cantered at Church as he grew up…well, it now makes complete sense that he is directing St Ann’s Music Ministry a few (dozen or so) years down the road. While on the other end of the spectrum, there are some of us who require more time and life experiences to uncover the driving passion and the purpose it is supporting. And when I say some of us, I am undoubtedly referring to myself.
In my defense, I am drawn to quite diverse passions – from baking to blogging and many things in between. Add to that a fair share of talents that God has blessed me with, and the picture grows in complexity. How so? Well, trying to narrow down the right combination of passions and talents into that one purpose to ultimately pursue is challenging enough even without the parlayed dimension of trying to earn a living. If bills would pay themselves, they would be so much more exciting to receive in the mail; not to mention free me up to experiment indefinitely with the multiformity that exists within popsicle stick art. That’s such an under-appreciated medium, isn’t it? But I digress.
To provide you with an update on my search for meaning, I will share that I have made some progress: I now have confidently discerned that I neither want to be a Horse Whisperer nor a $4.99 Waving Pepperoni Pie outside a Pizzeria during rush-hour. I feel more at peace with those callings currently out of the mix. Seriously though, my purpose continues to grow in my heart as I seek it more and more. It is becoming uncovered through prayer, seeking, asking Him to assist in revealing more of the deepest desires of my heart to me, then listening and most importantly syncing up with His timing and moving forward. It’s kind of like the 7 layers of the chip dip are mysteriously appearing in my kitchen despite not having shopped for a month, and instead of throwing it all crazily on a platter for an appetizer, I’m waiting to gather the instructions first on how the layers are to be assembled. Once I have been given the recipe, I am able to create a much more pleasing dish as part of an orderly, peaceful process.
More layers continue to be revealed as days go by. The circumstances and key players for the Ministry/Organization that my BFF and I feel called to build are beginning to take shape amidst the grey, without us jumping ahead to try to “make something happen”. This process has become a wonderfully-exciting-unnerving-peaceable craziness that I’ve labeled “active surrender”. Others use the phrase, “Let go and let God” — so, whatever floats your boat.
Concerning the Ministry/Organization, well, the co-founder and I are not yet quite ready to roll-out the plan for public viewing, so we really appreciate your prayers as we continue our formation process and discernment. I will however reveal it is kick-a$$ (mainly to Ol’ Red Legs), as it has been inspired and will continue to be throughout many divine appointments and knee-mails.
This journey to find my next open window has been very active interiorly yet often unspoken and unnoticed; so to many friends and family much of it is virtually unknown. Being stripped and broken, receiving yet needing more healing, learning in the school of hard knocks, seeing your weaknesses on display for others, knowing where you are going but not where you are…these are not things I typically share during most casual conversations. Yet, in my weakness lies His strength, and stronger arms are now leading me more to a plateau with a better view of that open window over yonder.
An active personality that often desires to be smack in the middle involved in the latest happenings, I am continuing to learn how much spiritual fruit is born out of BEING as compared to doing as well as patiently WAITING on the Lord first and foremost. From that place of peaceful being and patient assurance, I am becoming empowered to more confidently make my next step. And those obedient steps continue to bring adventures (good and not so good) and will lead me to places that I could not imagine. As long as I trust and surrender my own will and agenda without losing my dreams, waiting upon my Stonghold, what have I to fear?
A Missionary gave a talk last weekend at the Worship Summit that I attended in Houston, and the way she stated something really struck me: She said that if God is calling you to do something, then the good thing is that all the pressure is on Him to bring it about. All too often, we get so wrapped up in ourselves, our work, our to-do list, etc, and we take it all on ourselves. That includes when it comes to the meaning of life, we have to pursue that by going off to “find ourselves” or what not. What I am now realizing in the mysterious beauty of the quest after what my life is to mean, is that it’s not so much a question to be solved as it is a journey to be lived. All the waiting that you and I want to rush through to get to that next best thing, is also an important part of the journey presenting valuable lessons to be learned. Even in the waiting, we can serve and discover more of our purpose.
As I love to do, I will conclude with one of my current faves on the Christian music scene. “While I’m Waiting”, the attached video/song by John Waller contains that powerful and beautiful message, so be sure to watch and listen. As always, I look forward to hearing your thoughts.