Reflecting on Good Friday

We see crosses everywhere — a charm on a necklace, printed on a T-shirt, on the Altar, hanging on a wall…etc. Such a commonplace “item” today, it all too often has lost the impact of what Christ really bore for our sins. However today presents a beautiful opportunity. To remember, to meditate, to mourn, to be grateful. For this is the day, this is the day when Christ laid down his life for ours.

May we too enter into the Lord’s passion, so that we can experience the glory of His Resurrection. I pray that these gathered reflections will bring you deeper into the mystery of Good Friday and the knowledge of the ransom paid for our sins. (Word of Caution: Some of this material is intensely descriptive of the violent acts Christ endured. Not for the faint of heart.)

His Sufferings

By this point in time, our Lord has already been betrayed by his friend, arrested, deserted by all his followers, examined by the Roman Governor, wrongly condemned to death on a Cross, and denied by Peter. The first part of His suffering, the agony, was extreme mental suffering. Archbishop Fulton Sheen said that we cannot compare how we experience suffering to that of Christ, since in addition to having human intelligence, He also had Divine intelligence. Also, His “physical organism” was as perfect as any could be, so “it was much more sensitive to pain than our human nature, which has been calloused by crude emotions and evil experiences.” Now we come to the second part of His suffering – the torture of both His body and soul, which ended with His death. Combined, these sufferings constituted the “baptism wherewith I am to be baptized” (Lk 12:50).

The Scourging

Flagrum, like what was used during the Scourging

“Pilate, then, took Jesus and had him scourged.” – Jn 19:1 The gruesome details of the scourging were left out in John’s Gospel. Another physician, Dr. Pierre Barbet, also a devout Catholic, wrote a riveting book called A Doctor at Calvary. In it, he “relied heavily on his close analysis of the Holy Shroud of Turin to recreate every stage of the Passion with heart-rending precision and detail.” On the scourging, this is what the Dr. Barbet relays: Jesus was bound to a column, probably with his hands above his head. They used a crude instrument, the flagrum, which was comprised of a short handle with several long, thick thongs attached. Near the end of each thong, ‘tali’ were inserted, which were balls of lead or small sheep bones. This tortuous device was designed to not only cut the skin with the thongs, but also dig deep wounds with the tali. Not one, but two executioners – one on each side – carried out the scourging. On the Shroud of Turin, there are more then 100, perhaps 120, marks from the shoulders to the lower parts of the legs. If there were two thongs, this means that Jesus received about 60 strokes apart from those which have no mark.

The Crowning of Thorns

St. Alphonsus de Liguori wrote The Passion of Jesus Christ. In it, he described the sufferings derived from the crown of thorns placed upon Jesus’ head. The Shroud of Turin shows evidence that it covered the whole head, shaped as a helmet rather then a wreath. This would have been driven against His head by blows with a stick. Considering the head is the most sensitive part of the body – with all the nerves and sensations of the body diverging from it – our Lord suffered extreme pain in this torture that lasted up until his death. What else of the Crown of Thorns has been revealed to other Saints?

• To St. Lawrence Giustiniani & St. Peter Damian, that the thorns were so long that they penetrated even to the brain.
• To Blessed Agatha of the Cross, “He very often closed His eyes, and uttered piercing sighs, like those of a person about to die.”
• To St. Bridget, “So many streams of blood rushed down over His face and filled His hair and eyes and beard that he seemed to be nothing but one mass of blood.”
• To St. Vincent of Lerins, the affirmation that Our Lord’s head received 70 wounds

Carrying of the Cross

When presented with the Cross, what reaction did Our Lord have? St. Thomas of Villanova said:

But Jesus did not wait for the executioner to place the cross on his shoulders. Of his own accord he stretched out his hands and eagerly laid hold of it and placed it on his wounded shoulders. Come, he says, come, beloved cross! It is now 33 years that I have been sighing and searching for you. I embrace you, I clasp you to my heart, for you are the altar on which I shall sacrifice my life out of love for my flock.

Dr. Barbet filled in what it meant when “Jesus carried his cross.” He carried the horizontal part of the cross, the patibulum, which weighed approximately 125 lbs for 600 yards from the Pretorium to Golgotha. It was carried against the nape of the neck, with arms stretched out and bound to it so that He could give no resistance. The marks on the Shroud can only be explained by the scraping of the beam against the back, which was more poignant during each of His falls.

Nailing to the Cross

The cloth Jesus had worn was stripped away, also tearing open the wounds that had firmly been stuck to it. Although the Scripture’s literal translation were that his hands were nailed to the cross, the dragging of the body would have probably torn the skin. So the 1/3″ thick, long, square yet pointed nails were likely driven in the middle of each wrist. There was only one hole from the nail wound in the feet. It must have been driven in through the back of the feet, a much easier passage.

Words from the Cross

Our Lord spoke only seven times from the Cross, so they are appropriately called His Seven Last Words. The one that had caused me to be perplexed was what he cried out in the 9th hour. “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?” – Mt. 27:46, Mk. 15:34. I used to wonder, “How could the Son of God, the second person of the Trinity, have felt abandoned by His Father?” It was more then just repeating the Psalm of David, written a thousand years before, prophetically referring to Him (Psalm 21:13-19). Archbishop Sheen explained:

Sin has spiritual effects such as a sense of abandonment, separation from God, loneliness. This particular moment He willed to take upon Himself that principle effect of sin which was abandonment. It was not that His human nature was separated from His Divine nature; that was impossible…in taking upon Himself the sins of the world He willed a kind of withdrawal of His Father’s face and all Divine consolation. …the moment when leaning on nails He stood at the brink of hell in the name of all sinners. Christ’s cry was of abandonment which He felt in standing in a sinner’s place, but it was not of despair. The soul that despairs never cries to God…The greatest mental agony in the world, and the cause of many psychic disorders, is that minds and hearts are without God. Such emptiness would never have a consolation, if He had not felt all of this as His own. There is hope (the end of that Psalm is one of victory).

Piercing of the Side

“But one of the soldiers pierced his side with a spear, and at once there came out blood and water.” – Jn 19:34. “The blow of the lance which was given to the right side reached the right auricle of the heart, perforating the pericardium – it was therefore not just a wound to the side, but one in his heart,” Dr. Barbet described. The blood came from the heart, the what appeared as water was the pericardial fluid.

Death on the Cross

The specific cause of Christ’s death was asphyxia, or suffocation. The positioning of the body on the cross made it hardly possible to breathe: The whole weight of the body dragged on his hands above him, and with his arms raised, it created a relative immobility of the sides which greatly hindered exhaling. Dr. Barbet likened what happened within His body — the contracting of the muscles to rigidity and the lungs filling with air which could not escape — to strangulation. The only way He could have escaped for a few moments from the battle for air was to try and lift His body upwards, using His feet for support.

In God’s mercy, the story does not end here. “But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.” – Is 53:5. As we await the celebration of His Resurrection still, I will leave you to continue to meditate on the price He paid for you. A blessed Good Friday to you, friend.

The Power of Kindness

We can never fully grasp, until heaven, how what we do or say has impacted another’s life.  Is anything greater than even small acts of kindness shown to someone truly in need?

Fridays I don’t work in the office.  So yesterday my BFF/MoH, Kelli, and I decided to go to St. Monica’s midday to pray together after our needed long talk and brunch at La Madeleine.  That’s right, take it to the Source.

It didn’t take God long to bring two weary souls to us, in two completely different forms.  We all have needs, but sometimes have to expose them to someone who we do not know.

The first was an elderly homeless man, that is at least what was ascertained by his appearance.  A couple of rows ahead of us in the Adoration Chapel he sat, hunched over and head down resting on a bony, age-spot speckled hand.  Plaid shirt was dirty, lack of proper hygiene was apparent, beard was long and full, disheveled grey hair matted in a ponytail.

He began coughing, and couldn’t stop.  I was looking for a Halls or something in my purse to offer – shoot, only gum.  I showed it to Kelli – “no” she shook her head.

Um….what else….uh, water in the car?  But I had already opened and sipped it. “No,” again.

Kelli asked if I had $5.00 to give him.  I told her that I thought I had spent my last cash on Brunch, but opened my wallet still.  There sat a lone $5 bill.  She knew it, and it found a new home in that moment.

We moved outside to the beautiful Prayer Garden.  It was sunny, warm, breezy – just perfect.  We hadn’t been chatting for too long before the second encounter happened. A very troubled teenage boy, Anthony, came to us.  I could see it in his eyes that things were not right in his life.

He asked, “Miss, do you have a cell phone that I could use?  I just got kicked out of my cousin’s house.  I’ve been walking a long way, and I’m trying to find my Grandfather’s house, but I can’t exactly remember the way…”

I looked intently at him, trying to figure out if he could be trusted.  He needed help is what I gathered, and my cell phone was a small way to provide that.

“What is the number?”  I asked.

He gave his Mom’s phone number to me.  Then I asked for his name and hers.

I spoke to her for a moment, letting her know that her son was there at St. Monica’s Church.  I then passed off the phone to Anthony, and he briefly spoke to her.

He expressed his gratitude as he handed the phone back to me.  He then asked Kelli and I if we were Methodist.

“No, we are Catholic.  St. Monica’s is a Catholic Church.”

“Oh, I was born that too, I think.”

“Catholic?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so.  Or is it Christian?  I don’t know.”

“We are Christian too.  And Catholic,” we responded.  Funny how he blurted out a thought that many believe is in fact mutually exclusive…

I felt compelled to tell him that my Grandpa’s name was Anthony.

He smiled, “Really?”

“Yes, it was.  He passed away back in 1996.”

“I’m sorry, Miss,” he responded.

“That’s OK, he’s been in a better place,” said I.

Kelli let him know that there was a Chapel right there through “those” doors, and Jesus was there.  He said that he had just been in there praying, and that he had a lot of problems in his life right now.

“We will pray for you, Anthony,” we assured him.

“Thank you.  Thank you,” he said as he walked towards the parking lot to find his Mother.  

How humbling to see Christ in another, and for them to possibly see Him in you – if you allow it.  May the sharing of these simple stories about the power of kindness inspire and challenge you to find new ways to show it not only to those that you know, but those that you do not know.

My friend says that there are no strangers in Christ – we are all children of God.  And that is how she lives her life.  How do you live yours?

Venerable Pope John Paul II, pray for us!

Only three more days between us and Divine Mercy Sunday.  That also means that the day that our beloved Pope John Paul II’s Beatification in Rome also lies just around the bend. Many of wish we could be physically be there, but there are other ways to join in on the celebration.

In my work at CCC of America, our team has been working hard on launching the re-release of a special 4-disc documentary series, John Paul II:  The Man, The Pope and His Message.  It will be an awesome resource for all ages, especially since it will have curriculum and other extras to guide discussions!  The release date has not been firmly established, but we are all working hard and are beyond excited about distributing this 5-hour, 10 volume series of intimate moments captured by famed Italian Journalist, Alberto Michelini, and his special arrangements through the Vatican. It is a moving tribute to a true hero that I was incredibly blessed to have met at Mass in his Private Chapel in 1997.

I wanted to pass along a prayer that I was commissioned to write at work for the website we are working on for the Documentary Series.  I thought it may help us all prepare for his Beatification. If you would be so kind as to remember also our efforts to get this special edition ready and out in order to spread his message – we would be indebted for the prayer support, thanks!

Here is the prayer.  I hope it will bear fruit in all of our lives:

PRAYER FOR THE INTERCESSION OF POPE JOHN PAUL II

Trusting in the mercies of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we approach the throne of grace asking for Pope John Paul II to intercede on our behalf.  May his example inspire faith, hope, and charity in our hearts and those around us, since during his time on earth he truly mirrored the Good Shepherd to the Church.

Help us live out his message to “be not afraid,” in word and in deed.  May we follow his lead of “putting out into the deep”, and never grow weary of showing compassion to those in need.  Move within us, increasing our desire to contemplate the face of Christ as he faithfully did.

Advocate of building a culture of life through art and media, through your intercession, please allow us to be vessels of truth to future generations.

Blessed Mother, we consecrate ourselves a new to you this day.  As he entrusted his petitions to your maternal care, we do the same now.  Mary, protect us and guide us to your Son.

Grant us, though the intercession of your servant Pope John Paul II, the graces which we now implore (mention request).  May Your will be done in and through us.

AMEN

After the Loss…a Brief Update

Okay, so it’s not just me, right?  I’m just gonna put it out there.  It’s not meant to be a vent, but more of an observation – so please read it through that “lens” if you will.

Sometimes it can be either a blessing or a pain to try and give a true answer to the standard American greeting, “How are you doing?” Especially when it has just been “one of those days”, and the inquiry is paired with a concerned scrunch of the brow, a shoulder rub, and a knowledge that your Mother recently passed away and you’re trying to plan a wedding about 3-months-and-8-hours-south-of-my-current-locale away.  But then if people don’t acknowledge it, it feels like, “Why aren’t they saying anything about that smelly, fat elephant in the room?”  Ugh, let’s simplify it, let me share with you here the latest and not so greatest, but real deal answer.

Honestly, friends, it can be a moment-by-moment or day-by-day fluctuating thing. Mom went back home to Jesus only 7 short weeks ago.  Mike and I left my grieving Father and came back to Dallas about 3 1/2 weeks ago.  It’s obviously still very fresh, mainly uncharted territory, stumbling along on the vast tundra of grieving.  Even though I don’t see the end in sight, and I don’t know when the ache will lessen, I know that she is eternally happy and where she is supposed to be.  That knowledge doesn’t dull the heartbreak, it just puts it into an eternal perspective that can bring peace.

My Mom was a fantastic Mother, and it’s still hard to be at peace with the fact that she won’t physically be present at our wedding…holding the children we hope to have…helping me pick out color schemes for our future home…etc.  Of course I know that she is with me and no longer bound by space and time, among the Saints specially interceding for me and all of our needs.  Some days that is a comfort, and some days it still makes me weep, to be completely honest for those who have been wondering how I’m doing.

The more I travel along this part of my journey, the more that I discover what a tricky thing grieving is.  I can talk and laugh about a memory of Mom one night, and the next morning I can bust into tears at the thought of shopping for Bridesmaids dresses without her.  But I love a conversation that I was blessed by this week, with a Nun that I have never met up in New York.

I had that blessed conversation via phone with this Religious Sister about work-related things; and before I knew it, we began sharing from our hearts.  I confessed that my Mother had recently passed  away, and she began to comfort me by just being herself.  She had such a beautiful spirit…I could even tell that through the phone.  Her words of compassion, based on experience from losing her Mom, and filled with wisdom, brought such love to my little wounded heart.  God continues to show me that even though I can’t imagine where He will send blessings to me from, He still does.  It can be a total “stranger” or a trusted friend, and anyone in between.

I am still navigating through this, but learning how to better utilize the tools I’ve been given, and to lean into an incredible support system all around me.  By God’s grace, we will continue to move forward.  It has been a long and hard week for me, I won’t say that it wasn’t.  The wedding planning is still slow and ardous right now, wrestling with vendors and what not to get some of the major decisions nailed down.  There is tons of new ground work being laid in every single area of my life, all at once.  Yes, I get overwhelmed at times.  All I know is that I am in good hands.  That much I know.  Oh, and I also know that God will not lead me into something that will be detrimental to me – He wants good things for me, as His child.

Thank you again for asking how I am, whether it be via email, Facebook, text, a card, or through your prayers – please don’t stop.  Just realize that one day I might smile and say, “good”, while the next I may give a little more melancholic expression with a, “hanging in there.”  I truly am a mix of both my parents, with the smiling-optimistic Mom part of me, and the more passionate-melancholic side from my Dad.  Thank you, God, for finally sending me a man who can truly handle both my ying and my yang, and still loves me because of them, not despite them.

The real key to all of this is said so perfectly in this Matt Maher song.  I found this video on YouTube – the editing may appear a little rough in some spots, and the song, “Letting Go”, is longer and even more meaningful; but the horses have a lot of significance for me and it’s a beautiful short.

A Life Well Lived: My Mom’s Obituary

Eve Marie Sanchez

January 21, 1947 – January 23, 2011

Our Family Praying Over Mom after her Diagnosis

Eve Marie Sanchez, 64-years-old, died on Sunday, January 23, 2011, at her home in The Villages, Florida.  After her valiant fight with Breast Cancer in 2006, Eve’s battle resumed in May 2010 with Stage 4 Breast Cancer that spread to the bones.  Her strong will to live, unwavering faith in God, and the love and prayers of family, friends, and many supporters carried her through 4 more months of grueling Chemotherapy.  Yet even throughout her own struggle with Cancer, she reached out to other affected by the horrendous disease in many ways, including: 4 American Cancer Society Relays for Life, 2007-2010; Support Groups with other Survivors; participating in John Hopkins Cancer Research Study, and even just comforting others sitting nearby receiving their Chemo treatments simultaneously.

Eve was born on January 21, 1947 in Detroit, Michigan to Anthony and Helen Perlaki.  The oldest of 4 beautiful girls, her sisters – Karen, Nancy, and Susan – still live with their spouses – Bob, John, and Wally respectively – in different areas of Eve’s home state of Michigan.

Known for her ease in frequent conversation with even total strangers, some may be surprised to learn of the extreme shyness of her youth.  Yet even as a child, she possessed a contagious smile and an entertaining sense of humor.  Throughout her life she maintained a sweet and simple demeanor that won the trust and hearts of many, who even now are being changed by her witness of constant nurturing love and faith.  Her signature gift of joy, shown through her constant smiling, laughter, and joking around, will never be forgotten.

After graduating from Allen Park High School and working as a Secretary, she met her Sweetheart, Richard Sanchez, during a summer camping trip.  The couple was married the following year on August 19, 1967 at St. Mary Magdalen Church in Melvindale, Michigan.

Married for 43 years, Eve & Richard raised their 4 dear children, Paul, Jeffrey, Christopher and Lisa over the years in Inkster, Livonia, and finally in Dearborn, Michigan.  Possessing a true servant’s heart, Eve faithfully cared for family and friends through delicious cooking/baking from scratch – including cake decorating, sewing and crafting.   A woman of faith and the heart of the Sanchez family, Eve shaped their spirituality by her tireless Christian example, and also through various Catholic Charismatic prayer groups and activities.  With a real zest for life, Mrs. Sanchez loved to dance, write, read, pray, bowl, play games/cards – especially with her Grandchildren, chat with friends and family, and travel…just to name a few.

After the couple’s retirement in 2000, they built a house in The Villages near several of Eve’s brothers and sisters-in-law, and later many close friends.  She loved to go on outings with her Red Hat Society and eat with friends through the Enrique Dinner Club.

Her surviving family members are numerous, but mainly include:

Husband of 43 years:  Richard P. Sanchez

Mother of 4 Children & Partners:  Paul and Pilar Sanchez, Jeffrey and Annette Sanchez, Christopher and Jennifer Sanchez, and Lisa Sanchez and fiancée, Mike Martinez.

Grandmother to 6: Daniel and Abraham Moreno, Jacob Sanchez; Alyssa, Jon, and Annalyse Sanchez

Immediate family:  Mother, Helen Perlaki; 3 Sisters and Partners:  Karen and Bob Hayward, Susan and Wally Green, and Nancy and John Bialowicz

In-Law’s:  Bob and Virginia Sanchez, Joe and Barbara Sanchez, Pete and Carmen Bava, Mary and Bob McIntyre, Virginia and Doug Atha

Other family members: Unfortunately too many beloved cousins, nieces, nephews, and God-children to list or even count.

Visitation information for friends and family of Eve Sanchez:  There will be a Memorial Service with a Rosary led by Deacon John Sullivan at Hiers-Baxley Funeral Home, 1511 Buenos Aires Blvd, The Villages, FL 32159, on Wednesday, January 26, 2011 from 4:00 – 7:00 pm.

The funeral Mass will be presided by Fr. Gene Weis at St. Timothy Catholic Church, 1341 Paige Place, Lady Lake, FL 32159, on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 10:00 am.  Pallbearers include:  Paul Sanchez, Jeffrey Sanchez, Christopher Sanchez, Mike Martinez, Joe Sanchez, and Wally Green, with Bob Hayward, Jon Sanchez, Abraham and Daniel Moreno, as Honorary Pallbearers.  A luncheon reception for the family and close friends will be held at St. Timothy’s Parish Hall immediately following the Funeral Mass.

For more information, please call:  Hiers-Baxley Funeral Services of The Villages, Florida at (352) 753-8353

Memorial donations can be made to:

• Communities of Prayer in Dallas, Texas: A Memorial Fund to be set-up in Eve Sanchez’s memory for the organization Lisa Sanchez, her daughter, is helping establish. Checks payable to:  Communities of Prayer, 1303 Hillsdale Drive, Richardson, TX 75081, or online at http://communitiesofprayer.com/donations
• The American Cancer Society, Marion Unit Office, 2201 SE 30^th Ave, Ocala, FL 34471
• Christian Foundation For Children and Aging, 1 Elmwood Ave, #301, Ocala, FL 34471, for the child from Venezuela, Edgardo Alfonso Suarez Hernandez, that Eve and Richard have financially supported.
• Yet, beyond financial donations, Eve always lived by the Golden Rule:  Treat others the way you would like to be treated.  i.e. Do a loving act of kindness, make someone laugh, send a card, give a hug, or say “I love you” to your special friend in her memory.

The family is deeply grateful for the outpouring of love, prayers, and support in many heart-felt forms from too many people to name individually, but including: Hospice – the amazing Village Team, family and friends – either through prayer and/or visits, neighbors, and even random acts of kindness through total “strangers”.  A special thank you to Mary Catherine, owner of an Ocala Bridal Shop, who helped Eve cross one life-long dream off of her bucket list:  She brought 10 dresses to her home in order for her to shop and buy her newly engaged daughter, Lisa, her wedding dress.

The urn that Eve’s earthly remains will be held in nicely sums up, in one sentence, how fondly she will be remembered:  Our Angel that lived, laughed, and loved.

This is the Obituary written by yours truly, Lisa Sanchez, in honor of my dearest Mother.  It is my tribute to her memory, which will be carried on in the legacy of love which is now each of us – the lives she formed and touched by her love.

NOTE:  All funeral arrangements and details can be found on my Mom’s page with the funeral service we are using, Hiers-Baxley.

Messages, donations to preserve her page, online “candles”, pictures, videos and the like can all be left there at that page,

which is: http://www.hiers-baxley.com/obituaries/Eve-Sanchez/

The Fight for Life Continues

I can hardly believe its been 3 weeks and 2 days since that day.  On December 22nd, 2010, Mike, my nephew, Abraham, my BFF, Kelli, and I set off on what appeared to be a road trip to spend Christmas with our families.  Would that I have known how my world would have turned upside down such as this in that short of an amount of time…

Even though 3 weeks and 2 days seems a relatively short amount of time, I cannot believe how these days have packed in such intense extremes: joys and sorrows, laughing and weeping, grieving and celebrating, teaching and learning, giving and stretching, sweetness and snapping…on and on and on.  Each day contains too many things to really try to do justice in sharing more of it now.  And honestly, often times from lack of sleep, trying to deal with mine and others intense emotions, working with our Hospice Team and helpers to manage Mom’s care & meds, still settling Mike and I into the spare bedrooms, slowly discussing with the local awesome retired Priest our wedding preparations (FYI, no we don’t have a date or location as of yet – discerning that still), receiving the calls/emails/cards/visits from so many family and friends that love my Mom and want to express it while there is still time….well, I simply haven’t had the energy to write a blog, respond/read all my emails, return that last phone call, or respond timely to all the texts.  Thanks for your understanding, and please do not stop them!!!  As I am convinced more than ever that I am far from being alone in this, thank God.

I must also say that what the Priest told me in Confession the other day has perfectly captured what I’ve been living.  The Christian life, and our experiences within it, is meant to be “played like a team sport.”  He explained it using this metaphor:  I’m a Cheerleader at the top of a Pyramid, and all the others are supporting me to do my thing up on top.  Well, unlike my sister-in-law, Jennifer (who we picked up from the airport last night as we dropped Paul off at his hotel for a 6:00 am flight back to Dallas) who as a high school 4’11″ Cheerleader did this frequently, I’ve never physically experienced standing at the top of a Pyramid formation.  Frankly, just thinking about it makes my knees quiver a bit, ha ha ha.

Yet this morning, with my sister-in-law, Jennifer, here for a short visit and spending time with Mom and taking care of her needs with my Dad now up too, it gives me a short bit of time to write and reflect.  I actually was trying to sleep, since 4 hours or whatever it was between the things Mom needed to be comfortable, but with too many things swirling in my head, it was time to write.

Some people love the thrill of standing on someone’s shoulders, or whatever they do up there, at the top of a pyramid formation.  As for me, being a “solid girl” as Grandma used to say as she touched my powerful physique (wink), I’m used to being lower in the base to support the tiny girl on top.  I’m used to that, it’s comfortable, and I can do it well, I humbly admit.  Now being asked to climb up a few levels quite suddenly, well, it’s a whole other routine now.  Bit-by-bit, with your prayers and God’s grace, I’m “getting my sea legs”, so please continue to pray.  So many wonderful family and friends have been supporting me, it sometimes is overwhelming.  From something that appears as small as a whispered prayer, to dropping off a meal and giving a hug, to the huge blessings such as the local wedding shop owner coming to our home with 10 dresses (1 of which is now MINE – and no, pictures will not be posted here since Mike visits my blog) so that my Mom could cross off the 1 more important “Bucket List” item of dress shopping with her daughter…well, all I can say is that, “He loves us.”  But this really isn’t about me, now, is it.

I know you want to know how my Mom is doing, so I will give you a brief update.  We’ve had her set-up on Hospice for about a week now, and they have been a tremendous support.  I really like the team of caregivers we are working with, such a relief.  They told us the only thing we can do wrong is not to call them, so we’re getting pretty good at that.  :)

Mom doesn’t have a lot of pain at this point, thankfully it is more discomfort.  She is on lots of medications to help everything possible, but probably the best one she takes is what they call the “wonder drug” – a steroid that helps manage her pain and increase her appetite.  And she certainly has been eating better and more in the past week.  From one day to the next last week, Dad and I saw her legs stop functioning enough to support her, and that was really hard to witness.  She is bed-bound now, which is beyond difficult for an almost 64-year-old ‘Life Lover’ who likes to get-up-and-go.  I believe that between that and her own emotional battles, let alone what the ugly Bone Cancer is doing to slowly destroy her body, it’s causing a lot of Anxiety and rightfully so.  So we’ve been working with Mom’s nurse to get the dosage right on something to “take the edge off.”

Sleeping through the night is always a difficult thing for all of us.  God help me if I ever take for granted again the simple comforts of being able to turn over, get up and go to the restroom, move my own pillows, grab my own glass of water, etc… Yesterday I called the Nurse telling her we needed a new sleeping aid, as the Ambien stuff just isn’t cutting it, and believe me, we’ve tried.  Last night, we gave her something new, and after a couple of dosages according to instructions, Dad said the restlessness finally abated after an hour.  Yet, throughout the night she still will wake up and ask for things.

Although she is “cloudy” from the meds, she still is mentally coherent mostly.  And she of course still pulls out that dazzling signature smile, will make us laugh, or start coughing from laughing herself.  She doesn’t complain, only asks for what she needs, and doesn’t say all that much anymore.  Again, that’s really hard to witness from a woman who even talks to herself out loud.

Fr. Gene leaving after a beautiful family time to see her Anointing of the Sick, and share our thoughts and tears with one another, experience LOVE in a whole new way

Well, I’m getting sleepy now, so I’ll end with an excerpt that I received from St. Faustina’s Diary this morning.  If you don’t know, St. Faustina was the one that Jesus revealed a lot about his Divine Mercy to.  This is quite paradoxical to what the world screams out to us- I’m sure it may raise some eyebrows. But this is what He reminded me about redemptive suffering, and for those striving to follow the Lord, you may find the spiritual meat also satiable…

From the Diary of Saint Faustina

“Jesus says; ‘My daughter, I want to instruct you on how you are to rescue souls through sacrifice and prayer. You will save more souls through prayer and suffering than will a missionary through his teachings and sermons alone. I want to see you as a sacrifice of living love, which only then carries weight before Me. You must be annihilated, destroyed, living as if you were dead in the most secret depths of your being. You must be destroyed in that secret depth where the human eye has never penetrated; then will I find in you a pleasing sacrifice, a holocaust full of sweetness and fragrance. And great will be your power for whomever you intercede. Outwardly, your sacrifice must look like this: silent, hidden, permeated with love, imbued with prayer. I demand, My daughter, that your sacrifice be pure and full of humility, that I may find pleasure in it. I will not spare My grace, that you may be able to fulfill what I demand of you.”

Brokenness

"Take and eat, this is my body given up for you"

Today I have been given the image of brokenness to ponder.  Writing through it helps me gain clarity, hence the blog post.  This image kept coming to me throughout the morning, starting with the visit of Mom’s Eucharistic Minister, Rocco, and his wife Liz.  They didn’t realize that I would still be here at my parent’s home – not even I did – so he didn’t have three hosts for all of us.  He told Dad and I that he would break one to split it between us.  And we had a sweet little Mass service at my parents’ home, with Mom receiving the communion and Dad and I splitting the other one.

Thinking about that image more, it becomes a beautiful Metaphor.  And when I say Metaphor, I don’t mean it the way my precious almost 9-year-old niece, Anna, understands it.  This story is too funny, I have to pause to add this tale of comic relief.  This conversation happened yesterday before the rest of my family departed to tend to all that God calls them to, allowing for this time for Dad and I to share with Mom:

Anna and I sat on the couch in the living room, while my 15-year-old nephew, Abraham sitting near us made some funny comment, as is usually the case.  Anna asked, “Is that a Metaphor?”

Abraham replied, “Yes, it is.”

Somehow I felt Anna might not yet fully grasp what that word that she’s heard from her older sister, Alyssa, meant.  So I asked her, “Anna, do you know what a Metaphor is?”

Matter of factly, Anna replied, “Yeah, it’s an animal – like in the movie, Percy Jackson.”

Trying not to laugh, because sometimes it embarrasses her, I asked her more about that “Metaphor”, and she continued to share how it was mean and pounced on the sheep in the movie.  I had a feeling she was thinking of a Minotaur, but hey, I often get those confused myself, and I’m 34-years old…but I digress.

Back to brokenness…  The Lord calls us to imitate him, and as Christians, Catholics, or any type of Believer, we say that we will.  Yet, something we so easily profess with our lips often becomes quite a struggle when presented the opportunity to put into practice.  Still, Jesus, of all people, publicly showed the ultimate act of brokenness – crucifixion although not guilty – laying down his life that we might share in eternity with Him.

I think of that single host, which I know undoubtedly is Jesus, being broken and split between my Father and I.  And right now, Jesus is tending to us both in order to carry our shares of this “burden” right now.  It brings us into the mystery of Calvary – in the blending of sorrow, hope, agony, peace, pain, humility, divine assistance, sacrifice, death, resurrection, and ultimately triumph…

I’ve never experienced anything quite like this.  Sometimes tears just roll down my face when I realize what lies ahead, as my heart “readys” itself.  Sometimes I just walk over to Mom, kiss her on the cheek and watch her smile, and it makes me smile.  Sometimes I want to lose it when I become impatient and frustrated because I am just tired, and have perhaps a thought such as, “she may never hold the children Mike and I want to have” crosses my mind.

But Mom told me on New Years Eve, “I will always watch over you.”  Dad, Mom and I cried as she shared this, and more from her tender heart.  I don’t know much, but I can tell you that I believe more then ever heaven is real.  I also know that my sweet Mom will be eventually return there, as we all were created to do.  She will be so happy, no longer suffering, and will be back with all of our dear friends and family that have gone before us, and with God, his Angels and his Saints.  These things we know, but they do not always comfort us as we struggle with detachment.

I have to share that we honestly have no idea how long we have with her, or from one day to the next how she will be.  Mom continues to fight and gain strength, and I will let y’all know when we feel like things are really declining.  Just as Mike, Abraham (my nephew) and I arrived here, she had a bad allergic reaction to the new Chemo pills the Doctor had just given her for 2 days, and it was scary.  But now that her 6 days of Steroids (which are hard on her – not being able to sleep) are finally over, I think she will be better.  We just take it day by day, which is how we are called to live anyways.

Thanks for all your comments, emails, phone calls, texts, and the like.  I may not always be able to respond, or do it in a timely manner, but know that I receive them with the love that I know prompted them.  I will try to use my blog to periodically give updates– it’s easier then trying to constantly re-tell something we are living and sometimes need a break from – I’m sure you understand.  Thanks for the advice from experienced dear friends and family too, and all the offers to do whatever, whenever, and the phone is “always on”.  I am humbled and blessed by the incredible network of support God has provided.

I’ll just wrap up by relaying about the love that is so tangible to us right now.  I can almost taste the Love, it can be felt so strong.   God is Love.  You know that I, like other people, utter prayers out of love while never really knowing what they do for another; but it brings love, hope, courage, fortitude — whatever virtue or fruit of the spirit that the other needs.  Only in heaven will we truly understand.  In God’s time, Mom will know how her love touched and transformed so many lives.

Feel free to leave messages here, on her Facebook wall, in a card or what not to let her know how you have been touched by God’s love through her.  She loves to hear all those things, and even needs them sometimes just like we all do.

Open Wide the Doors!

“Doors will be opening for you in many areas of your life”

That was the message tucked inside of my fortune cookie this afternoon while out lunch with my Sweetie at the local Asian Bistro.  ”Now there’s one for the blog,” I thought.  Over the past year since I began this journey that I’ve been blogging about here and there, I’ve opened various windows presented to me as other doors closed. Those windows have let in a refreshing breeze and rays of sunshine into my life.  Yet there are doors I feel that are being prepared me for that He wants to open in my life, and yours, if we will allow it.

Walking by faith is not always simple at times.  In my prayers I tell God that I want to do His Will.  Then shortly thereafter my will often chimes in, since after all it has so many “great ideas” of its own on how to participate or not in God’s plan.  Thankfully we serve a merciful God, who desires good things for his children, and can make up for where we are lacking.

Painting of the Mystical wedding of St. Catherine of Siena by Lotto Lorenzo

I’m grateful to a dear friend who gave me a booklet of St. Catherine of Siena, Mystic and Doctor of the Church, with a treasury of quotes to inspire my writing. It didn’t take long since I received “Sermon in a Sentence” yesterday, with that extra nudge from my fortune cookie, to incite this post.  In St. Catherine’s famous Dialogue with the Lord, he expressed to her, and reminds you and I today:

“I will fulfill your desires, but do not fail…in your hope in me. My Providence will never fail you, and every man, if he be humble shall receive that which he is fit to…receive from My goodness.”

The Lamb That Was Slain

Melito of Sardis, Bishop and Early Church Father

What can compare with experiencing the mystery of redemption?  As we enter into this most holy time, I have discovered two powerful reflections to share in the hopes that they may also speak to your heart.  The written piece is a compelling Holy Week meditation found in the Office of Readings of the Roman Catholic Church for Holy Thursday.  It comes from an Easter homily, “On the Passover,” from one of the greatest 2nd century Church Fathers, St. Melito of Sardis. Though his writings were extremely popular, this timeless work was lost until the 20th century.  How blessed are we that it has been recovered!  The other reflection is a moving compilation of sites and sounds that have been pressed upon my heart this week: “He Loves Us” sung by David Crowder, paired with heartrending scenes from “The Passion of the Christ”.

There was much proclaimed by the prophets about the mystery of the Passover: that mystery is Christ, and to him be glory forever and ever. Amen.

For the sake of suffering humanity he came down from heaven to earth, clothed himself in that humanity in the Virgin’s womb, and was born a man. Having then a body capable of suffering, he took the pain of fallen man upon himself; he triumphed over the diseases of soul and body that were its cause, and by his Spirit, which was incapable of dying, he dealt man’s destroyer, death, a fatal blow.

He was led forth like a lamb; he was slaughtered like a sheep. He ransomed us from our servitude to the world, as he had ransomed Israel from the hand of Egypt; he freed us from our slavery to the devil, as he had freed Israel from the hand of Pharaoh. He sealed our souls with his own Spirit, and the members of our body with his own blood.

He is the One who covered death with shame and cast the devil into mourning, as Moses cast Pharaoh into mourning. He is the One who smote sin and robbed iniquity of offspring, as Moses robbed the Egyptians of their offspring. He is the One who brought us out of slavery into freedom, out of darkness into light, out of death into life, out of tyranny into an eternal kingdom; who made us a new priesthood, a people chosen to be his own for ever. He is the Passover that is our salvation.

It is he who endured every kind of suffering in all those who foreshadowed him. In Abel he was slain, in Isaac bound, in Jacob exiled, in Joseph sold, in Moses exposed to die. He was sacrificed in the Passover lamb, persecuted in David, dishonored in the prophets.

It is he who was made man of the Virgin, he who was hung on the tree; it is he who was buried in the earth, raised from the dead, and taken up to the heights of heaven. He is the mute lamb, the slain lamb, the lamb born of Mary, the fair ewe. He was seized from the flock, dragged off to be slaughtered, sacrificed in the evening, and buried at night.

On the tree no bone of his was broken; in the earth his body knew no decay He is the One who rose from the dead, and who raised man from the depths of the tomb.

The Purpose of the Desert

Our journey has begun, one that will persist for forty days and forty nights.  This journey does not consist of trekking out into a foreign land, but rather voyaging inward – setting out upon the familiar soil of our hearts.  A critically acclaimed expert, no one is more qualified than our Guide to lead this expedition: “For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sinning.” This time exists so that we, as the Church, can unite ourselves during Lent to the mystery of Jesus in the desert.

Os Hillman has done a beautiful meditation on the The Purpose of the Desert. As it has done for me, I hope that it will help you along your journey:

Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. – Hosea 2:14

If you have an important message to convey to someone, what is the best means of getting the message through?  Have you ever tried to talk with someone who was so busy you could not get him to hear you?  Distractions prevent us from giving our undivided attention to the messenger.  So too, God has His way of taking us aside to get our undivided attention.  For Paul, it was Arabia for three years; for Moses, it was forty years in the desert; for Joseph, it was thirteen years in Egypt; for David, it was many years of fleeing from King Saul.

God knows the stubborn human heart.  He knows that if He is to accomplish His deepest work, He must take us into the desert in order to give us the privilege to be used in His kingdom.  In the desert God changes us and removes things that hinder us.  He forces us to draw deep upon His grace.  The desert is only a season in our life.  When He has accomplished what He wants in our lives in the desert, He will bring us out. He has given us a mission to fulfill that can only be fulfilled after we have spent adequate time in preparation in the desert.  Fear not the desert, for it is here you will hear God’s voice like never before.  It is here you become His bride.  It is here you will have the idols of your life removed. It is here you begin to experience the reality of a living God like never before.  Someone once said, ‘God uses enlarged trials to produce enlarged saints so He can put them in enlarged places!’

He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me. – 2 Samuel 22:20